An Open Letter to my Busy Husband (14.10.14)

Love,

07.09.14

I know you’re busy right now. I also reckon that you need to finish your work today. Yeah, I understand that you must go out-of-town for business purposes. I know that you’re doing all of these for us, for the future of our child. Yeah, all for the sake of future.

I don’t know if you still remember our 5^th wedding anniversary. I don’t know if you want to celebrate it with me. Many questions are rumbling here in my mind but I can’t find any answers to them.

You went to work early, so we didn’t have the chance to talk. I wanted to greet you but your phone’s out of reach. It hurt me knowing that I couldn’t spend this special day with you.

Love, I still want to greet you Happy Anniversary. I also look forward to celebrating it with you, though I don’t know when it will be. I still hope that you will greet me either. I expect those sweet messages and beautiful flowers from you. I dream of celebrating this day with all your surprises.

I’ve realized that we haven’t been to dates lately. We haven’t spent quality time together. We haven’t exchanged sweet messages and gifts like we used to do before. I missed those days, my betterhalf.

You’ve been so busy lately. You’ve been a dedicated and hardworking businessman for those fruitful years. But hey, have you intentionally forgotten that you have a family? A family who has been in need of your attention, love and care?

Few hours have passed. No calls, no texts from you. It saddened me. You’re really busy huh. I was excited, yet that excitement led to disappointment and hurt. I waited for you the whole night; unfortunately, you didn’t show up. I didn’t even see you nor greet you. Well, I decided to do it this morning.

I thought you’d come, but you didn’t.

I was here waiting for you here in our house. I was here with our four-year old son. Oh, maids, whom you’ve been paying much to make our lives comfortable, took care of us. Yeah, we’re home but you’re not with us.

Whole day passed, but you’re not yet home. Surely, you’re so busy with that damn business. You told me before that all those things were for our child. True, I believed you.

14.09.14

I waited and waited. The waiting tormented me because you didn’t show up for one week. Our child kept on asking me why you’re not yet here. What would I tell him? That you’re just busy. Hell no! I knew he wouldn’t understand. I gave him toys, bought him new clothes and took him to amusement parks and malls. I did all those things to cheer him up, to prevent him from asking you again. I also went to spas to relax, to cinemas to unwind and to shopping malls to buy new clothes.

We’re happy but there’s still missing.. YOU.

Finally, you’re here! We were very happy to see and hug you. I thought something happened to you, but I was wrong. You’re just busy. Our son was so eager to be with you again, so was I. I was expecting that you would say ‘sorry’ for not being with us on our anniversary, yet you didn’t. Again, it hurt me, but it’s enough that you’re here with us again.

I missed you, Love. I wish you wouldn’t be away that long.

15.09.14 onwards

The next day, you went to work again. I was there again, waiting for you to come home. Days passed and you became so busy. We seldom saw you at home. We rarely went to malls, restaurants or other places. “I’m busy”, you told us. It’s your usual alibi, but I kept on telling myself that I should understand you because I’m your wife and I love you. I wanted to be an understanding wife. It’s fine. There would still be other days to be with you.

One day, I just woke up being used to all your busy schedules. Yeah, I’m used to those alibis, lies and other things that you told me. I got used to getting up in the morning, seeing no traces of you. I didn’t bother to text or call you anymore. I also didn’t expect that you would be here during dinner. It’ was ok if you’re late at home; it’s fine if we couldn’t be with you on weekends. I got fed up, Love. I stopped expecting things from you. Yes, no more!

13.10.14

I am surprised for realizing that I don’t think of you that much anymore. I don’t yearn for your care and attention anymore. I don’t know, but I become numb in waiting for you. My attention now is just on our child. I give him all my love and care. It’s ok, just focus on your work. I won’t interfere with your business anymore. I won’t ask for any favor from you. I just hope that you will not be surprised if you don’t see us in our house anymore. I hope that our child will still understand and love you despite your shortcomings. I hope that he will still consider you as his father.

You’ve been drowned at work. You’ve been addicted to meetings, conferences and other stuffs. You’ve forgotten that you still have your family. I can’t deny the fact that you still provide for us, the clothes, the house, food and other necessities, but they fail compared to the longing that we need from you. We need you – your presence, love, care and attention. You’ve failed to give them.

Money and other luxuries can never replace true happiness. I sometimes envy my friends, though they are not really rich, but they’re complete and loved. They lack material things, but they are blessed with so much love. That’s the bitter reality within us. We almost have everything, but we’re not loved.

Yes, you’re definitely busy but heck, I needed you. We both needed you. We needed your precious time. Why couldn’t you give that to us? Should I get an appointment with you first? Should I call your secretary for you to talk to me? Or should I be your associate instead? What? Just tell me what to do and I would be willing to do it.

I would do that not for my sake, but for our son’s sake. He needs you so badly. He’s your son after all.

To be honest, I’m tired of waiting.

I’m tired of understanding you.

I’m tired of hoping for nothing.

I’m tired of seeking for your damn time.

Above all, I’m tired of loving you.

Your Wife

(P.S. This is NOT about me and my husband! Gott sei dank. I wrote this on October 14, 2014, when I was still single. I got inspired to write this open letter after reading a certain story about a couple with the same dilemma. I do hope that this will be an eye-opener to couples out there especially to busy ones. God bless your marriage.)